When he says no to sex

Most women blame themselves when their partner loses interest in sex. They feel that that their man doesn't fancy them anymore. But the real culprit is someone, or something else altogether... The number of times he says 'no' only leads you to think that he's found someone else. But that is often not the case. Usually, there is something going on 'upstairs' that's freezing activities 'downstairs'. Your job is to find out what that something is, and work together to sort it out. If your man denies you sex, it is not uncommon to be left worrying about whether he is having an affair or wants to end the relationship. The truth is that although you may experience these feelings and thoughts, it's unlikely that his loss of desire, or ability to maintain an erection, is caused by a loss of interest in you, your looks or your relationship. Most men suffer from other sexual problems when they are stressed out, tired or under pressure to perform in some way. In fact, the problem is more likely to originate from a demanding boss or a heavy workload, than from you... Tiredness and overindulgence If your partner has been working hard and trying to meet deadlines, the tiredness and worry can cause problems in focusing on lovemaking. Other causes of temporary erection loss can be overindulgence in alcohol, or a heavy meal. When this happens, stimulation during love play will not cause or sustain the act. At this stage, it is crucial to comfort him and avoid making accusations about his loss of interest in you, or imply an affair. This will only increase the pressure on him and make things worse. Sometimes, just resting for sometime will solve the problem. Discussing feelings It is also important to explain your feelings about what has happened and to ask for his help in coping with the emotions you may be experiencing. Explain that you are worried - it may be connected to your relationship and how he feels about you, and encourage him to open up about what's going on with him too. Start by saying something like 'I know this probably sounds silly but... ' continuing with your own concerns about his loss of desire. Encourage him to do the same with you, as he is just as likely to be as concerned as you are, if not more so. In this way, you can act as a team and solve the problem together , rather than both avoiding the issue through fear of probably losing each other. Is he unwell? Loss of interest in sex could be an indicator of illnesses such as diabetes or heart disease. Avoid panicking your partner by telling him he may have a serious illness. Instead, suggest he has a general check-up to make sure that all is well. If the doctor suggests he needs more tests or needs treatment for an illness, it is better to act fast, as many health problems left untreated can be harder to remedy at a later stage. Money worries If you are experiencing problems in your relationship - frequent arguments, problems with children, money worries or other sexual difficulties , bring them out in the open and have a frank discussion. Emotional problems can lead to difficulties in sexual performance because trust or an intimate sense of connection to a partner is compromised. After all, it is hard to feel turned on if, for example, your debt level is worryingly high, or if your child's grades are a cause for concern. Taking action to resolve these issues can prevent erection difficulties where there is no physical cause. Talking to a debt adviser or a couples' counsellor could help you both make sense of the pressures you are under in order to tackle the problem. Once you take the first step to deal with these issues, the chances are that the erection problem will fade away. Your self-esteem Lastly, if you are worried about whether your partner still finds you attractive, try improving your own sense of self-esteem, rather than blaming him. Eat healthily, exercise regularly, do things that you enjoy, and make time to relax. If you feel good about yourself, your intimate life will also feel positive. And you can handle the rest of the problems, be it coping with your partner's sexual inefficiency, illness or stress. Or maybe, you won't have a problem at all.

Mass protests staged across Syria, 10 killed
DAMASCUS: Syrian security forces opened fire on Friday killing at least 10 people as thousands of anti-regime protesters rallied in flashpoint cities after the Ramadan weekly prayers, rights activists said. Today's hail of lead came in defiance of warnings by the United States that Syria will face further sanctions if it does not stop killing protesters. A man was shot dead in a dawn assault on the Damascus suburb of Saqba while a woman died when troops opened fire in the town of Kahn Sheikhun in northwestern Idlib province, the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights said. As thousands poured out of mosques after the noon prayers in the central city of Hama, security forces sprayed them with gunfire, killing a civilian and wounding three others, the Britain-based Observatory said. "Thousands of people marched in Hama despite a higher presence of security forces. We left from the mosque to the Al-Manakh Square and they shot at us. People were wounded and several others were arrested," an activist told AFP. Hama has been the scene of some of the bloodiest clashes since an uprising began mid- March against the authoritarian rule of President Bashar al- Assad. At least 100 people died when troops backed by tanks stormed the city on July 31, the eve of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. State television streamed images showing Assi Square -- nerve centre of protests in Hama -- as completely empty, saying: "Life is back to normal in Assi Square, there are no armed forces."